*DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS*
*(or the uncertainty of the English language)*
*Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did
you?*
*"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"*
*----------------------------------------------------------*
*A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my
intelligence come from?"*
*The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
'cause I still have mine."*
*---------------------------------------------------------*
*"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"*
*"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."*
*-----------------------------------------------*
*A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took
the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."*
*"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids".*
*-----------------------------------------------------------*
*An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.*
*The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you".*
*The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."*
*----------------------------------------------------------*
*Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.*
*1. The DNA all matches.*
*2. There are no dental records.*
*----------------------------------------------------------*
*A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
take to fly from San Franciscoto New York City ?"*
*The agent replies, "Just a minute.."*
*"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.*
*----------------------------------------------------------*
*Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.*
*"How was he killed?" asked one detective.*
*"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?!*
*What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."*
*-----------------------------------------------------------*
*Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."*
*Joe: "Really?"*
*Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."*
*----------------------------------------------------------*
*A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.*
*"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
surgery," he answered.*
*"What did he say," asked the nurse.*
*"OOPS"*
*------------------------------------------------------------*
*While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.*
*"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"*
*"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."*
*He's still in intensive care.*
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